the only way out of the poverty cycle was education

so as to improve the quality of living

not that i'm in the poverty cycle

we're much richer than those in 3rd world countries

but i hope to excel so that i would have better quality of life too

at times i feel that i'm not putting in enough effort

i'm just lazy to study or just not studying hard enough

yes, i may be doing better than some currently

but so?its not guarantee that i can get a spot in ntu

i need to work even harder.at least 3.65 and above

i really hope i will do well in the interview

and get through the application

but honestly, i doubt i will succeed

interview.thats sth difficult

i'm not good in such things

i cant even handle presentations

no confidences, nervous, poor comm skills etc = fail

imagine how much differences it will make

if my application went through

the time i used to pay for another poly academic year

can be used to pay for a few months of my uni.provided i make it

i wasted my day.why?

cause i was too lazy to study rs

why cant i just have more discipline?

i wanna go out/relax.have fun like others too

i wanna shop like how every girl would

but the differences is i cant.

i'm already spending a lot going out with elvin once a week

when?when will i ever get to relax and stop living my life so uptight

don't have to worry about the household finance

thinking if i have enough savings to pay for poly with interest

worrying if i can help to pay for the house etc

i cant help it if i'm like that

cause my dad freaking quit his job when i was 8

just because he finds working stressful

who don't have stress you tell me

stress then don't work.whole family eat what?!

daddy, i'm super stressed since secondary

cause i just cant get good results

i was always the last few in the whole cohort

its only until poly that i was one of the better ones

i was never at the top.felt quite weird

but even when i'm at the top i got looked down by others

i feel small cause they were doing much better than me

so can i stop working hard and earn lesser for the family?

obviously not lah.if we all earn lesser

then who's gonna pay for your smelly cigarettes,

endless dvds, the house, credit card bills, food etc.

without jie we wont have today you know

so can you fucking stop smoking.damn

i gave up my passion cause of you

i lived all my life worrying about all these

and ended up not having any form of interest

i don't even know what i want in life

when i looked back.what have i done in my life?

nothing.just studying and worrying non-stop

pathetic much

M 7:17 PM